have tres leches - will travel

despite a crippling inability to absorb other languages, i was fortunately able to piece together that tres leches means three milks. and milks is what i want to talk to you about today.

now i like desserts probably more than you do, and my philosophy with regard to them tends toward moderation on the consumption side and not on the preparation side. (consumption-side dessertonomics?)(and i am sorry to joke about consumption, tuberculosis is no laughing matter. it is a coughing matter.) 

anyway, i decided to make tres leches for gallagher's taco party. here are things you might want to take into consideration if you find yourself in a similar situation:

1) if you ever think you'll want to eat tres leches in the future, don't prepare it. don't even look at a recipe. that is too much milks.

2) if you are planning on riding your bicycle to the party, ha. you didn't think that through very well, did you?

3) oh yeah? you have a car? you gonna swallow your environmentalist pride and drive it to the party? cool. now your cake has turned into a milk wave pool. 

next time i'm bringing some fucking flan.

for your listening pleasure

i made this song about working on a tv show.

i can't make music and it is a whole bunch of nonsense. enjoy!

choose my career!

so look, i'm a 27 year old unmarried white male with a b.a. from an elite liberal arts college that nobody has heard of. i live in portland, oregon. i am interested in processes.

in december i will turn 28 and i think i should have a career. my friends seem to be heading towards careers. like benny will be a professor and arijit will be, um, a professor too. or work in a non-profit. or maybe for a government agency. dan will be the host of a japanese game show. elspeth will be a production designer. i feel like other people are focusing their interests and mine just keep expanding. for instance: yeah, so i want to fix that moped up and oh, i wonder if my landlord will let me have chickens. where can i take a bicycle frame building class? 

so i am going to put this to a vote, here are my options as i see them:

1) lawyer (look dad, i put this one first.)

2) artist (look dad, i put this one second.)

3) elected official

4) guy who calls you periodically and asks for work

5) restauranteur (like i know anything about that)

6) ___________

post your compelling arguments in the comments section.

(extra credit: which of those options am i at the moment?)

(double extra credit: if you choose artist, what kind of artist should i be?)

(did you ever read those choose your own adventure books? this is more like a choose that guy's adventure book. that guy being me. the book being a blog. adventure being the most mundane bullshit ever. look, i tried to make this interesting. i do this all for you, all of this! what more do you want from me? oh quit my excruciatingly self-aware sniveling? never!)

i love gravy

i just invented this vegetarian gravy, or anyway, i made it.

1/2 lb. chantrelle mushrooms

2 tbsp. butter

saute the mushrooms in the butter. dice two of the cooked mushrooms and put them back in the pan with the leftover butter.  (set the rest aside. yum, chantrelles). 

with the heat on medium, add to the pan:

1 oz. bragg's liquid aminos

7 oz. water

1 tbsp. maple syrup

1 tbsp. cider vinegar

1 bay leaf

sprinkle in slowly (mixing vigorously to avoid clumping):

2 tbsp. flour

season with:

dash oregano

dash thyme

dash rosemary

oh man!

i poured it on garlic mashed potatoes served on steamed brussel sprout greens. garnished with arugula flowers.