looks can kill, or whatever

look, i understand that some people find me physically attractive and most of those people are my mom's friends who, every christmastime, tell me that i'm such a handsome man, and so i grew a beard and it became you're such a handsome man, why cover it up with a beard?

but my objection is this, and it has nothing to do with my difficulty accepting a compliment, or wait, maybe it does have something to do with that, but look, why praise someone for something they have no control over? i would rather be noticed for something i do rather than for the way i look. and if you can find something redeeming about me when i look like a homeless man, then i know i'm doing something right. 

and there is a precedent for this attitude: nico? sinead o'connor? (man, remember that sinead o'connor reggae album? haha.) and so i feel uncomfortable when people tell me i'm good-looking and i find it difficult to tell other people they are good-looking (and that has gotten me in trouble with girlfriends in the past, that reluctance). it isn't like i don't notice when people are good-looking, more like i would rather focus on other aspects of their personality that they have more control over.