little-known health insurance reform facts

there has been to-do made recently about the democrats efforts to reform the health insurance industry, but many americans do not know how the proposed reforms will affect them. to help clear things up, i have compiled a list of the key elements of "obamacare":

- insurance companies will be required to insure those with the preexisting human condition.

- taxpayer money will be used to subsidize "obamabortions".

- in order to keep costs down, your in-network doctors will all be high-school biology students.

- under the new "compulsory sponsorship of an illegal immigrant" system, each health insurance customer, in addition to their own insurance costs, will pay for "the regular doctor's visits and necessary and elective procedures of an illegal immigrant" and they will also receive a photograph and letter of thanks (in spanish), from their sponsoree. 

- all STD tests will be performed on semen/vaginal secretion samples mailed directly to rick santorum

whether or not these reforms will bring about the sweeping change promised by barack hussein obama is unclear.